I think it has been months since I made so many special 'works of art'. The wall in the residence is quickly filling up. It is super nice to have the time, but especially the motivation and inspiration to create art freely.
But, I keep thinking about what a lady said to me months ago. Namely at the opening of the drawing exhibition at the education museum. I had handed in my 'school' art for this, and they were exhibited with the other pieces from the collection.
If your art is on display, you must of course be at the opening. Logical. I was therefore networking before we were allowed to go down to view the exhibition. There were large sheets of paper, with the intention that the guests could unleash their drawing talents there. Of course I couldn't pass up this opportunity, so I quickly drew a small (rough) portrait of myself.
There was a lady standing next to me, also drawing. She clearly had a background in art. She pointed to my drawing and said, "Oh, you are clearly such an 'instagram artist', aren't you? Yeah, it seems like everyone draws that way these days."
....
Excuse me? She talked about Instagram as if she was 60, when in reality she might be close to 25.
I haven't thought of this comment in months. Why would I?
Yet this sentence has been haunting my head for days now, while I make my watercolor illustrations. I don't know why my brain decided to bring up this sentence, but I can hear it playing in the back of my mind.
With 'instagram artist' she clearly meant nothing good. I know what she meant, they are the types of artists who all make 'the same'. A bit of the same feeling as
all white boys in high school: are you weird Jerry or Tom?
By 'the same' I mean portraits, of beautiful girls, in a certain, simple, style. And that does sometimes remind people of my drawings.
I've never felt this type of insecurity about my work before. Of course, I am always insecure about my work. That it's not good enough, that I'm not satisfied with it, blah blah, but that's more of a baseline of feeling.
This 'uncertainty' has more impact. It means that I am not original.
Yeah, I know no one is original, everything's been done before, blah! But I still know that everyone has their own way of working. Your own way of drawing or painting.
So, why do I lie in my bed
at night, thinking forever about my work vs. originality?
Probably because my work process has changed so much since my KUBV work at school. In school we had a topic, essay, mind map, inspo board, eternal sketches, experimentation. Now I just make things. Without thinking about it for more than 5 minutes. I just do it. Can I see a drawing in front of me? Okay, let's get that on paper.
No deeper symbolism, commitment, just a drawing.
Nothing wrong with a drawing that is just beautiful, but I can no longer give an explanation like I could give at my school work: 'Look! You see those green eyes, that represents this mythical story. And that ring? Well that's a symbol of death. '
Now it's, "What does that represent? Oh, I have no idea, I just drew that."
(repost from bloglovin', 2 feb 2020)